MIRACLE FELINE DIET

DAY ONE

Breakfast: Open can of expensive gourmet cat food. Any flavor as long as
it cost more the .75 per can -- and place 1/4 cup on your plate. Eat 1
bite of food; look around room disdainfully. Knock the rest on the
floor. Stare at the wall for awhile before stalking off into the other
room.

Lunch: Four blades of grass and one lizard tail. Throw it back up on the
cleanest carpet in your house.

Dinner: Catch a moth and play with it until it is almost dead. Eat one
wing. Leave the rest to die.

Bedtime snack: Steal one green bean from your spouse's or partner's
plate. Bat it around the floor until it goes under the refrigerator.
Steal one small piece of chicken and eat half of it. Leave the other
half on the sofa. Throw out the remaining gourmet cat food from the can
you opened this morning.

DAY TWO

Breakfast: Picking up the remaining chicken bite from the sofa. Knock it
onto the carpet and bat it under the television set. Chew on the corner
of the newspaper as your spouse/partner tries to read it.

Lunch: Break into the fresh French bread that you bought as your part of
the dinner party on Saturday. Lick the top of it all over. Take one bite
out of the middle of the loaf.

Afternoon snack: Catch a large beetle and bring it into the house. Play
toss and catch with it until it is mushy and half dead. Allow it to
escape under the bed.

Dinner: Open a fresh can of dark-colored gourmet cat food -- tuna or
beef works well. Eat it voraciously. Walk from your kitchen to the edge
of the living room rug. Promptly throw up on the rug. Step into it as
you leave. Track footprints across the entire room.

DAY THREE

Breakfast: Drink part of the milk from your spouse's or partner's cereal
bowl when no one is looking. Splatter part of it on the closest polished
aluminium appliance you can find.

Lunch: Catch a small bird and bring it into the house. Play with on top
of your down filled comforter. Make sure the bird is seriously injured
but not dead before you abandon it for someone else to have to deal
with.

Dinner: Beg and cry until you are given some ice cream or milk in a bowl
of your own. Take three licks/laps and then turn the bowl over on the
floor.

FINAL DAY

Breakfast: Eat 6 bugs, any type, being sure to leave a collection of
legs, wings, antennae on the bathroom floor. Drink lots of water. Throw
the bugs and all of the water up on your spouse's or partner's pillow.

Lunch: Remove the chicken skin from last night's chicken-to-go leftovers
your spouse or partner placed in the trash can. Drag the skin across the
floor several times. Chew it in a corner and then abandon.

Dinner: Open another can of expensive gourmet cat food. Select a flavour
that is especially runny, like Chicken and Giblets in Gravy. Lick off
all the gravy and leave the actual meat to dry and get hard

courtesy of:

Jerry England
Blue Pond Bird-Dog & Cat-Fish Pet Sitting
The Woodlands, TX